You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
