i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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