If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
