We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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