I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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