Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
