Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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