hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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