So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
