I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
