Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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