I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
