Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
