That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
