Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Found your dick twin last night
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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