new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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