hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
