all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
