His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
That accounts for only three of the penises
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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