This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
honey bunches of taint.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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