Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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