Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
