Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I think my vagina is haunted
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Randomize
