If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
