I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
