Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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