So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
