Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
