I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
