Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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