a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
