just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
