Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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