WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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