She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
