go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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