if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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