In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
