that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
