She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize