to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
