If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
