**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
