so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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