Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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