She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
As shirtless as possible
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
