Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
