Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Randomize
