i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
