sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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