I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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