What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
