if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
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I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
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I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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