There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
