Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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