So drunk, too bad you don't want this
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
