You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
