I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
