i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
