Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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