I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
