He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
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I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
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We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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