You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
