awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
