i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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