i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
