i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
you would pick up someone in the library
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
