Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
and she was petting her beer can
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
