Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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