Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
