I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
