I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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