she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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