I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
