listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
