So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
