saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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