There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
