Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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