all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
