I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
wow bdsm is so cute
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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